Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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