Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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