Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
