I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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