I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
