is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
