I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
