I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
