you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think my moral compass just broke
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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