So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
