Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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