I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
