The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
