They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
