Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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