Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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