Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
