his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
