Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just high enough for therapy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
