A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You can't motorboat a personality
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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