Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
