Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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