hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
