On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
