You're my little dorito
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
