Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
