I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
