I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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