Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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