I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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