Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
