and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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