If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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