Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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