like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
