Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Did I show you my penis last night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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