i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
