I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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