Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
