It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
