eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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