Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
