Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
