Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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