Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize