Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
