brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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