ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
