I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
