They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
