Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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