when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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