alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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