I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
