My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
