i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
